It’s a complex thing to measure church attendance but here are a few pointers on arriving at an accurate number based on the attendance figures they give you.- 50% if its a Pentecostal worship service because they count the legs and forget to divide by two.
- 30% if its a Baptist church because they count members on the roll and not all of them are still living.
+ 10 if its a Vineyard service because those rugs on the floor were actually people!
+ 20% if it’s a fundamentalist church because they don’t count the people they didn’t want there.
- 30% if it’s an Anglican/Presbyterian/Methodist church because the number they gave you is from their huge Easter service.
+ 15% if it’s an ethnic/non-western service because all those people coming late missed the counting.
- 10% if its a megachurch because the worship team and welcome team got counted during all 5 services.
- 520% if its a Catholic church because they count the parish, not the church attendance.
+ 20% if it’s an emergent service because those having a smoke outside were not counted.
- 25 % if its a Reformed church service because they count the people who SHOULD have been there.
- 15% if it’s a house church because the neighborhood kids playing video games in the back room somehow managed to get counted with everyone else. So did the guy delivering pizza.
That is hilarious.
I would like to add.
+35% if it’s part of the Vision Church Planting Network because 1/3 of its members our on the mission field!!
funny